Nipples & Palm Trees Movie Reviews
User reviews on Nipples & Palm Trees
If you believe the credits for this movie, then the guy who wrote it is also the star. I find that hard to believe, because why would anyone write themselves such a creepy and crazy script that makes almost no sense at all? If you're going to write yourself a part, it should be something sensational, right? This is anything but, with most of the movie occupied with dirty sex talk that I guess lives somewhere in the gutter regions of the writer-star's mind. Don't get me wrong, I'm no prude, but there has to be a point to all of the dirtiness other than just to titillate or shock us. Is there anything more dumb than a speech about genitals that just lists every slang term for human private parts? There's no subtext here, just text that makes you wonder why such movies get made. I generally try to support small, independent movies, but this one is beyond the pale. I can only remember two moments that were worth watching, the rest if pure marshmallow fluff (and not the good kind, just the kind you see in naughty movies!)
Do you ever wonder why some women throw themselves at guys who don't have looks, money, or brains? This movie will give some insight into this old phenomenon. The main character is a girl named Harmony who gets around a lot and who is the crush of a wormy dude named Jackson who lives in LA. Jackson is basically a sight for sore eyes: he always looks stoned and talks like he's just trying to fill the silence. Remember the Looney Tunes character Droopy? If Droopy was a man, he'd be Jackson, let's just put it that way. I kind of liked the character of Harmony even though she was totally off putting and seemed to be a typical Hollywood bimbo (or at least played the part of one in real life). This movie doesn't have much to say except that desperate people attract all the wrong things...but it makes for an interesting character study, especially if you live in Los Angeles and run into these types all day every day, lol.
Erm, yeah . . . okay . . . can't believe i spent more than ten bucks to watch this drivel! Refund, I demand a refund! Buyer beware, I guess, so let me forewarn you before you go off and start thinking that this could possibly be worth your time or money: the basic story is about a loser guy named Jackson who looks like holy hell...he wants to find love, but since he is a loser (did I mention that, already?) he just ends up having bizarre sexual encounters with a number of women that truly defies reality. Of course, the old cliche exists that any guy who just has sex all the time really just wants to find love and is filling the void with meaningless sexual encounters. So he carries a torch for this space case of a girl named Harmony who is afraid to commit to one man. So we all know where this is going. Probably one of the least pleasant experiences I have ever had a movie theater (and man have there been a lot!). Brownie points to anyone who can figure out what the title has to do with anything: I guess the nipples part comes from the fact that he has sex with a lot of women and the palm trees part is due to the fact that it's set in Los Angeles, land of a million palm trees? That's the only way I could make sense of it. If that's all it took to name the movie, imagine how creatively bankrupt the writer/director must be? What if "Saving Private Ryan" had been named "Tanks and Normandy Coastlines"?!?!