THE EXPENDABLES (2010)
For me, most action pics are so stupid that they are painful to watch. If the previews show cars flipping up into the air and hitting hovering helicopters, I don’t want to see it. If the actors outrun the growing blast from an explosion and leap out the window just in the nick of time, I don’t want to see it. If the obligatory chase scene shows the hero laying the motorcycle onto its side so he can slid under the parked gas truck, I don’t want to see it. If the flick is labeled “A special effects extravaganza, I don’t want to see it.
Trust me…you’re going to want to see THE EXPENDABLES.
I have never seen a Jett Li movie. I think Dolph Lundgren’s entire movies blow. Mickey Rourke has had one too many face lifts. I don’t watch wrestling, or follow pro sports, so I don’t know who Steve Austin, Jason Statham, Randy Couture or Terry Crews are. Bruce Willis and Eric Roberts are in it as is the Governor of California in a cameo role. (For which he asked for no salary!)
But most importantly, this movie introduces America to Mexican born but Brazilian raised Giselle Itie.
The movie starts aboard a hijacked freighter off of the coast of Somalia. The deadline for the ransom has passed and the pirates are about to start killing the crew. Stallone’s mercenary crew slips aboard the ship, kills the hijackers, liberates the crew and flies home to collect their reward. I don’t have a clip of the pirate scene so forgive me if I instead attach another photo of Giselle Itie.
Once back home a CIA officer (Bruce Willis) hires The Expendables to overthrow the dictator of the Latin American island nation of Vilena. Former NYPD street cop David Zayas plays General Gaza and Eric Roberts plays the rogue CIA officer who controls Gaza’s purse strings.
Now this may not be the kind of movie my mom would like. She prefers films that tell the story of little boy growing up in a small village, raised by his grandmother because his mother died in childbirth and the father is a hopeless alcoholic. However, movies such as THE EXPENDABLES can teach you important things. Such as, if the evil dictator has a helicopter standing by to aid his escape, you can have one team mate toss a 105mm howitzer projectile into the air, above the helo, and you can detonate the falling projectile by shooting at it with your pistol. The explosive force will destroy the helo, set a fuel dump afire and incinerate the evil henchman’s bodyguard. That’s good to know stuff. (I was actually taught that trick in Navy Commando School. It was classified at the time and I never discussed it. Now that Hollywood has leaked it, I am free to discuss it.)
I was amused to see a technique in this film that was the same technique that I taught while I was a firearms instructor. I would teach my officers to dive out a window while holding a brace of pistols, firing while in the air. It they followed my instructions to the letter, their hit potential was excellent. Bruce was one of my best students. Stallone has mastered my method but I was disappointed that my name was not in the credits.
Another important point to remember is the wisdom of keeping a COLT Single Action Army “Shop Keeper’s” model in a Small Of The Back holster and, when the bad guy thinks he has you at a disadvantage, to draw the COLT and fan the trigger five times, firing from the hip, and scoring solid hits on your antagonist, all the while not hitting the damsel being held as a human shield.
All facetiousness aside, this was a super fun movie and I plan on adding it to my Blue-Ray library.