The premise: ...Uhmm.. it's f***ing Spider-Man. Peter Parker, a mild-mannered teenager / twenty something / middle aged student / scientist / teacher, fights crime after being bitten by a radioactive spider. Not much else to it. Oh! Except that absolutely nothing ever goes his way. He's just a terrible magnet.. and I don't mean that in the way that Peter Parker is terrible at being a magnet, he's actually pretty good at it. I mean it in the way that he attracts terrible like Sarah Palin attracts crazy white women.
In a classic beginning to any great story, we see our hero as a young child.. still new and unwise in the ways of the world. His parents leaving him for "just a little while." A little while, indeed. Much the same way that Harry Potter, or even better, Star Wars did, (Spider-man did it first.. and even though Spider-man did it before either, for the sake of the joke, we'll ignore that) we have a child left in the care of his Aunt and Uncle. This always turns out well (amiright?). I am assuming that the director chose not to show the deleted scene where Voldemort kills Peter Parker's parents, and leaves that to the imaginations of the wide eyed masses.
In a transition that I hope they use in the movie, there's a reflection in a window, we see little Parker staring at nothing in particular and then turn into that guy who didn't know how to use Facebook, but was co-responsible for Facebook in that Facebook movie about Facebook (Andrew Garfield). He seems like he's going to be a fish out of water, but he looks like the coolest kid in the school, so I assume Flash Thompson is going to be a pro wrestler, or I'm just not buying Andrew Garfield as the bookish, super smart Peter Parker.
The trailer then takes us to the Gwen Stacy's. I like pretending that Gwen Stacy is actually named Gwendolyn Gwendy Gwen Stacy, and that "Gwen Stacy" is her last name and people call her that because it's more chummy and familial. Right, din-din with the Stacys.. I am assuming, as no one at the dinner table knows who Peter Parker is or what he does except Gwen Stacy. Good ol' G.S. is played by Emma Stone, who is back to blonde instead of Superbad red, but that's more than ok because she still looks good. (I assume you're not supposed to mention Emma Stone in a review and not mention how good she looks. Because she does. Look good.)
There seems to be an importance placed on a dusty old doctor-looking bag, as they show it off in the trailer as an important link to Peter's father.. but Uncle Ben (Martin Sheen, who's not a dusty old bag, I love this guy) forgot he had it! Which seems kind of like a gross oversight as they kind of make it seem like he's been parent-less for 10 years and a memoir of his father should have come up at some point in the past decade. Also, (SPOILER ALERT) this will probably be the reason Peter allows him to be killed later. "With great power comes great responsibility.. and with your brother in law's duffel bag comes 'f*** Peter Parker.'" But then they don't show us anything except a pager, an old photo and Peter looking sullen, so I guess it wasn't THAT important.
Spontaneously, in a bout of reverse super powers, Peter starts sporting his glasses instead of what I assume were contacts, and runs into Gwen Stacy at the lab. Which lab? only THE lab. Only the lab with all the genetically enhanced super animals.. rhinos, scorpions, sand people, electricians.. oh and Rhys f***ing Ifans (probably his real middle name.. further investigation needed) as Curt Connors. Sorry, I mean DOCTOR Curt Connors. Gwen Stacy tells Peter to not get her into trouble, so what does he do? This guy runs around like a mo' (as in moron), going into places that look like rejected ideas for Cerebro from X-Men, covered in cobwebs, and then gets himself all bit up by a mutant spider with super powers for venom.
At this point, Peter looks like he's having a bad day. He becomes a freak in every sense of the word: He goes back to not having glasses. He has spiderwebs growing out of his neck. He hangs out in dark alleys. He climbs and bounces off of walls like he's Cyril Raffaelli and David Belle in District B13 part 3. He catches flies and blows off questions from Norma Rae herself, Sally Field (Aunt May). Oh and in a final shot of his tomfoolery, he's chillaxing on the ceiling in a subway car. Which is probably fine, because that is actually the most inconspicuous place to be a freak in (I lived in the Bronx for a week, I think that makes me an expert). There is a quick cut to Gwen Stacy in a "Truffaut-ian" (yeah, i make up words, what of it?) shot holding an umbrella, staring into the sky. Cut equally quick to a shot of Peter and Dr. Connors getting ready to "play god." At this point I get chills because I know how awesome Rhys Ifans is at being crazy. (see: Formula 51)
There is a hint at the coming romance between Gwen and Peter, but it's a split second of what looks to be one of them consoling the other. Probably Peter, because he likes to whine. And then a relatively ripped Peter Parker sewing up what we can only assume is going to be THE suit. Oh, by the way, he must be a master of blind-hem stitching because that thing we see in the trailers and promo shoots is tight as f*** in regards to its craftsmanship. So, I'm adding sewing to the list of things Spider-man can do well: he can jump, react to danger, have super strength, and is a pin-tucking genius. (look it up, it's a thing)
After the sewing bee, we are treated to cars flying through the air on a freeway. I assume the Lizard is at play here. Yeah, if the Lizard knows one thing, it's how to regrow body parts. And if it's 2 things, he knows how to throw a car.
We are then given a sneak peak at Mirror's Edge 2: Spider-man. If this isn't footage from the upcoming parkour based Spider-man game, I am disappointed. Based entirely on the footage in the trailer, it is either that, or another "attempt" at pleasing the 3d loving masses. Did I say "pleasing"? I meant "pandering." Either way, I've seen good and bad first person in movies, and I've seen good and bad first person in video games. This looks like a combo of good from video games and bad from movies. This is also the only part of the trailer that made me cringe. The rest of it was AMAZING! (pun intended) It felt like they built up the trailer for this moment with the goose-bump-promising final line, "We all have secrets, the ones we keep.. and the ones that are kept from us." And oh my God, if Garfield's delivery doesn't give you goosebumps, you are either dead, or you may have accidentally had your eyes open during that first person running sequence that led up to it. Go ahead, go back and watch that part again with your eyes closed. I'll wait.
...I know, right?! Goosebumps!
Is The Amazing Spider-man a necessary reboot? Not at all. But hey, they did it. It's done. I mean, The Hulk was so god-awfully slow, and filled with WTF?! moments (monster poodle? And I know there was a story arc about hulk dogs in the comics, but that doesn't mean use it!) that people couldn't praise Jennifer Connolly for being great as Betty. So, it got an unnecessary remake, luckily it was a nice example of the unnecessary remake that was for the best. It just sucks Ed Norton can't play well with others. His loss, Mark Ruffalo's gain. Or, and I'm saying it, I don't care if Hugh Jackman was in it as Wolverine, I am calling it a reboot.. but the X-Men got an unnecessary reboot as well with Saved by the Bell: the New Class.. almost right after Wolverine Origins and less than 5 years after X3. This time, despite the amazing efforts of Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy, this unnecessary reboot was just a complete letdown. So this Spider-man business could go either way.
Now, is The Amazing Spider-man going to be a well done piece of cinema and entertainment? I'm willing to bet my ten to thirteen dollars on it and check this out once or twice. Fingers crossed!